Fighting involves engaging in combat or one-on-one encounters; it is a struggle to defend oneself against or to overpower, defeat, or destroy an opponent. Essentially, fighting is the physical expression of people’s disagreements or misunderstandings about a specific course of action. Unfortunately, its destructive effects and the toll it takes on individuals, families, communities, institutions, and nations have not stopped others from escalating tensions to the point of fighting. I have also heard the term “Cold War,” which describes a state of hostility between countries characterized by threats, propaganda, and other measures short of open warfare. How mild or intense could a war among humans be when malicious actions are concealed behind diplomatic methods? In fact, the negative impact of what the world calls the Cold War and its geopolitics has surprisingly been more intense than traditional combat. Married couples can easily understand the tension and stress caused by the same kind of Cold War happening within their own families.
Fighting typically continues when one side insists on a particular course of action, while the other is determined to oppose it at all costs. Besides the millions displaced, conservative estimates place the death toll in the Sudanese war at hundreds of thousands. According to the British Ministry of Defense, over one million Russian troops have been killed or injured since the full-scale invasion of Ukraine began on February 24, 2022. Ukraine has also suffered substantial casualties, reaching around 400,000. Wikipedia reports that as of October 1, 2025, more than 69,100 people have been killed in the Israel-Gaza war, including 67,144 Palestinians and 1,983 Israelis. Beyond these tragic fatalities, the socio-economic, social-cultural, and spiritual costs to the affected parties are simply incalculable. Sadly, some healthy interpersonal relationships are lost forever. Although human casualties reveal only part of the brutality of these conflicts, the consequences extend well beyond, tearing apart nations, communities, organizations, and families. Why parties involved in conflicts often fail to recognize or fully understand these irreversible losses until fighting ends or a temporary ceasefire begins remains a mystery.
One other thing that puzzles me is the hope of one day finding common ground between conflicting parties so that peace can prevail, but not without its irreparable and far-reaching consequences, which will affect many generations. Thank God that after two years of fighting between two brothers (i.e., Israelis and Palestinians) in Gaza, a deal is almost in sight for a ceasefire. What about the losses accumulated over the past 24 months in both camps? Can they ever be recovered? Aside from the spiritual warfare involving Christians, I have yet to find a single benefit of fighting a brother or sister, whether in a cold or traditional war, due to misunderstanding. Sun Tzu, the ancient Chinese military strategist, said, “A good commander wins a battle without shooting. Instead of focusing on the Israel-Gaza war used as an example, I would be glad if we reflect on this piece through the lens of some of our persistent intertribal conflicts in our beloved country and even among communities, groups, families, and individuals. The following ten lessons are shared for our prayerful reflection.
- Fighting is essentially an expression or statement of disagreement between parties and should not be allowed to descend into chaos. The Lord Jesus taught in Matthew 5:25 that, “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison.” The Lord expects all His children to take active roles in resolving every conflict they encounter peacefully. It is worth noting the word, “quickly,” used by Jesus in pursuit of peace between people in conflict since time can negatively impact disagreements. My dear brother and sister in the Lord, what are you doing actively and urgently to settle the conflict you find yourself in?
- In any ongoing conflict, each party involved has a role they have played or are still playing in maintaining the fight. Instead of accusing the other side, can you honestly ask yourself, “What am I still doing that keeps fueling the conflict or disagreement?” It then follows that true peace usually begins with one or both parties in the conflict. Mediators or professional peace brokers can only do so much.
- There is a well-known Kikuyu proverb from Kenya that says, “When two elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers.” Similarly, if conflicts stem from, say, ideological disagreements, then any venue, community, institution, region, household, or nation chosen for the fight is the one that will bear the consequences. So, the struggle over ideologies fought at any location or event site ultimately ends up destroying that place to an unprecedented degree. For example, if couples do not manage their personal differences well and let tensions escalate at home, they will be damaging the entire fabric of the household, which consists of many interconnected elements. Battle sites in recent memory, such as Libya, Iraq, Lebanon, Sudan, Ukraine, and Gaza, have suffered greatly, with most of their iconic buildings and monuments destroyed. The cost of rebuilding Gaza alone is estimated to be around fifty billion United States dollars ($50 billion). Let’s not forget that, if the Lord delays His return, the conflict will undoubtedly end someday, but at what expense? You and I know how many lives and how much healthcare this amount of money could have provided to millions of underserved communities worldwide. However, misunderstandings between warring factions tend to consume all these resources, affecting every person alive in this period. The devastating effects of war or conflict, therefore, impact everyone directly or indirectly, with the warmongers themselves not spared either.
- There has never been a long-term winner in any physical fight, except in spiritual warfare, which involves different rules of engagement. Even the party considered the winner today is still alive to fight another day. It might just be a pause in the battle, with many surprises ahead regarding its reemergence. No fight has ever truly ended in a stalemate or a goalless draw, as the world of football often calls it. What fights, regardless of how long they last, generally cause losses for both sides in the long run. When Cain murdered his brother, he probably thought he had won and would finally find peace. Sadly, his issues and suffering only increased afterward. He asked God, saying, “My punishment is more than I can bear. Today you are driving me from the land, and I will be hidden from your presence; I will be a restless wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me.“ (Genesis 4:10-12). So, why keep fighting, my dear brothers and sisters?
- What we lose in conflict is gone forever. Unfortunately, human ego and pride, driven by a desire for revenge, prevent people from properly assessing the harmful effects on themselves, their families, society, the nation, and future generations. It’s also important to note that many fierce fights that last for generations without resolution often occur between brothers or members of the same household or community. It’s well known that Russia and Ukraine are like brothers. Warring factions in Sudan are also brothers, and Israel and the Palestinians are close relatives as well. Let’s all stay alert for members of our own households who allow the devil to stir up strife and division at home. About the unity and cohesion within the Church in Corinth, Apostle Paul said, “I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, so that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.” (2 Corinthians 2:11)
- Unfortunately, there are always end-beneficiaries of every fight beyond the parties involved. Such individuals lack motivation to help the parties negotiate because that could threaten their livelihoods. Meanwhile, the parties directly involved in the conflict who face the worst consequences rarely recognize the malicious actions of their benefactors. For example, those who manufacture weapons run successful businesses amid ongoing disputes. So, what would motivate a CEO of such an organization to mediate and try to end the conflict? When God listed the seven detestable things to Him in Proverbs 6:18-19, the seventh was, “A person who stirs up conflict and sows discord among brothers.” This should serve as a wake-up call and valuable advice for all conflict sponsors and beneficiaries.
- Mathematically, FIGHTING = “I INSIST” versus “I AM DETERMINED TO OBJECT.” Unfortunately, this is what led to the split between Apostle Paul and Barnabas, causing them to go their separate ways. Meanwhile, these two were specifically and intentionally paired by the Holy Spirit in Ministry (Acts 13:1-3). The two, or what I will call the “super duo,” were so powerful and accomplished all their set goals, working wonders to such an extent that the People of Lystra, in their own language, called them “gods who have come in the likeness of Men.” They called Barnabas Zeus and Paul Hermes because Paul was the chief speaker. In (Acts 14:19-20), even when Paul was stoned almost to death, Barnabas stayed and cared for him until the next day, when they departed for Derbe. However, in (Acts 15:36-40), Paul and Barnabas surprisingly allowed an undesired, avoidable, and unforeseen issue to harm their relationship. They allowed the conflict over John Mark to divide them. “Now Barnabas was determined to take with them John, called Mark. But Paul insisted that they should not take with them the one who had left them in Pamphylia and was not part of their work. Then the argument became so intense that they separated from each other. So Barnabas took Mark and sailed to Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and went on. (Acts 15:37-40).” Although they remained believers, how could they effectively support each other’s ministry with such a strained relationship, knowing that the Holy Spirit did not call Paul to team up with Silas, nor Barnabas with John Mark? Therefore, successful peacemakers are those who can persuade either the party insisting on its stance to back down or the one determined to push forward to de-escalate tensions.
- Parties always regret and quickly realize their massive losses after the fighting ends, and see the lasting scars each side takes home.
- If God grants long life to parties in a conflict, they would admit to themselves and others that they, in fact, need the cooperation of the other side instead of hostility. Towards the end of his Ministry, Apostle Paul acknowledged the usefulness of John Mark, though it was pretty late. He lamented, “Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry.” (2 Timothy 4:11)
- Even though fighting fatigue may lead warring factions to decide to stop simultaneously, the end of all conflicts, no matter how complex, almost always begins with one party choosing peace over insisting on their pound of flesh. When a party decides to make every concession in the pursuit of peace, the conflict naturally comes to an end. This doesn’t make the peace-seeking party the loser or weaker, but the child of God among the parties. Jesus wasn’t speaking in parables when He called peacemakers children of God.
To end the fighting, please avoid actions that anger the other party or consider ignoring some of their ongoing behaviors. In light of Jesus’ teachings about Peace in the Beatitudes, Peace isn’t a force that imposes itself on unwilling parties in conflict. Instead, Peace is intentionally created and carefully built by Children of God, regardless of the cost. I thank God for the faint sight of peace returning to Israel and the Gaza Strip. May the souls of all the departed rest in peace, and may the Lord comfort everyone who lost loved ones on both sides since October 7th, 2023. Stop the fighting because, when it ends, there will be nothing left to rebuild. Stay blessed.
