In my previous article, I wrote about the need to pursue and practice sexual purity: understanding the gospel correctly and applying the Word of God to your life, influencing both yourself and others. In this second part, we will explore some ways to help you live a pure life.
“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honourable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5).
Even though God warns us against discussing sex inappropriately, as the Apostle recorded in Ephesians 5:3-4, “But among you, there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk, or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.” However, God requires us to address this subject in the context of His intentions and purposes, not the world’s.
The starting point of sexual purity begins in the mind, not the body. To overcome sexual immorality, we must first sanctify our minds.
“For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality…” (Matthew 15:19-20). “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).
We inevitably adopt the morality of the movies, music, and conversations we engage in. These things influence our actions. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.” The cognitive is basic to the behavioral—what you feed your mind on shapes who you become.
Your destiny can be accurately predicted by what you allow your mind to dwell on. Sinful actions don’t arise out of nowhere; they are the cumulative product of what we watch, hear, and the moral compromises made over time, culminating in ungodly behavior.
Sexual temptation is not new, but its invasion of our homes is. We live in a technological world where immorality can enter our homes through mobile phones, television, and the Internet. Most of us are only a few clicks away from sexual immorality. Every choice we make to view and contemplate immorality desensitizes us to its evil and consequences.
As young people, God looks to us to be grounded in kingdom principles regarding our sexual lives. Shouting praises in church while succumbing to sexual immorality won’t help anyone. God wants us to be like the sons of Issachar in our time, who “had understanding of the times, to know what Israel ought to do; the heads of them were two hundred; and all their brethren were at their commandment” (1 Chronicles 12:32).
God does not want you to engage in premarital sex or activities that prepare your body for it. Apostle Paul recorded in 2 Timothy 2:22, “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” To my single brothers and sisters in particular, there is a continuum of physical contact that begins with things like sitting close and hand-holding on one end and progresses to sexual intercourse on the other. In between might be an arm around the shoulder, a brief hug, a kiss on the cheek, a kiss on the mouth, a longer hug, prolonged kissing, fondling, etc. Scripture does not spell out exactly what “intermediate” behavior is permissible, but one thing is certain: the line must be drawn before either of you becomes sexually stimulated. This means that fondling—and anything else that results in a “turn on”—is forbidden.
Once you let your body cross the line, it will neither know nor care about your Christian convictions. Some Christians pray for God to protect their purity, then willingly put themselves in temptation and wonder why God didn’t answer their prayer. This is like putting a book on the edge of a table and praying, “God, please don’t let this book fall,” while continually pushing it further and further off the edge. No matter how fervently you pray that the book won’t fall, it will if you continue to push it. No matter how fervently you pray that you will not fall into immorality, you will if you continue to make choices that feed your temptation toward immorality. Don’t allow your choices to undermine and invalidate your prayers. God has your best interests in mind when He tells you not to engage in premarital sex.
What’s right is always smart and always for your good. Sex is not just something you do; it’s someone you are. It is linked to the welfare of your whole person. Engaging in sex outside of marriage is self-destructive in every sense. Sexual purity is always for the best—not only for God and others but for you. God would not tell you to abstain from impurity if it were impossible to obey Him. God is not cruel. He doesn’t command you to abstain from necessities, such as eating or drinking or breathing. Sex is something everyone can abstain from—it is a strong desire, yes, but never an emergency, never a necessity. Christ has given us the resources to resist every temptation:
“The grace of God teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in this present age” (Titus 2:12).
“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. Through these, He has given us His very great and precious promises so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires” (2 Peter 1:3-4).
You can’t stay sexually pure by your own strength. The Bible says, “And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the spirit is life because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwells in you” (Romans 8:10-11).
Satan is an expert at telling lies, and he tells them smoothly and convincingly. He makes it seem impossible to live a sexually pure life or to practice sex after marriage. He has persuaded many young people that “it’s okay to touch her there, it’s okay to let him touch you, it’s natural, it won’t hurt anything.” Soon there’s lust, sin, devastation, disillusionment, loss of respect, conflict, insecurity, and sometimes unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Many young people end up angry and bitter at themselves and others because they bought the lie; the relationship is ruined, and now they are paying the price.
Satan is a liar, but Jesus is the truth and the truth-teller (John 14:6). He said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). Those who believe Satan’s lies about sex end up in bondage. Those who believe Christ’s truth about sex end up free.
Identify and meditate on the truths Christ tells you. Identify and reject the lies Satan tells you. Understand who you are in Christ: “but you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you” (1 Peter 2:9). You should see yourself in this position. You must learn to think long-term, not short-term. Good or bad, you will always reap what you sow—you will always harvest the consequences of your choices. “Sexual pleasures are temporary, but the consequences of misdirected pleasure can last a lifetime, even after repenting” (John Bosco Brempong).
Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:7-9).
It doesn’t matter how smart you think you are. It doesn’t matter whether you have a Ph.D. in physics; if you step off the tenth story of a building, you will fall to your death. Gravity is law—there’s just no getting around it. Likewise, God has set up spiritual laws that govern the universe, including laws concerning our sexual behavior. If we break His commandments, ultimately, we get broken.
Scripture teaches two basic alternatives in life: the way of God and the way of men, the way of holiness and the way of sin. Proverbs speak of the path of wisdom and the path of foolishness and calls upon us to make the right choices, which are also wise, and avoid wrong choices, which are also foolish. After laying out the blessings of obedience and the curses of disobedience, God said,
“This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live” (Deuteronomy 30:19).
No matter how many wrong decisions you’ve made that bring death, you still have a chance to make it right. The God who envelopes us with His purity is still ready to save you. “If today you hear His voice, harden not your hearts” (Hebrews 3:15). Run to Him, and He will give you the strength to overcome any sexual sins. The lifelong consequences of sexual impurity are worse than we can imagine. The lifelong rewards of sexual purity are greater than we can imagine.
Written by Isaac Kwofie
